Xun and I both maintain active OkCupid accounts. I personally don’t take it very seriously and am not interested in meeting people in person unless we’ve had a decent amount of online correspondence beforehand. A few weeks or so ago, a fellow named Jamal started messaging me. As per usual, I didn’t take it very seriously at first. He seemed a little too forward for someone I’d be interested in meeting in person.
However, after awhile I realized he was pretty intriguing and we had a lot of common interests. I asked if I could add him on Facebook (a good way to stalk someone out further to see if you want to meet them in person), but he said he “only added people after getting to know them.” Red flag alert! Nine times out of ten, this means someone has something to hide. He eventually came clean that even though he’s listed as “single” on OkCupid, he actually has a girlfriend in his home country.
I eventually decided it’d be worthwhile to meet him in person so long as things stayed platonic. We went to a café last week and had a really good conversation. He was quite charming and fun to talk to. I talked to him a lot about Xun, and he seemed really interested in our open relationship. We’re going dancing tomorrow night.
I decided (and told Xun) that I’m drawing the line where any physical affection would come into play. No kissing, no cuddling. I’m being very skeptical of him a.) because he falsely advertised himself as being single and b.) because he told me that his girlfriend was a jealous person and apparently keeps a lot of things secret from her.
One of the number one bits of advice I picked up in reading about polyamory is to be wary of dishonest people. I plan on following said advice and keeping Jamal in the friend zone for now.